You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
