she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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