Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
