right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
