I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this just has baby written all over it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
