a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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