She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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