So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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