Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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