I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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