I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
