It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
