We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
