I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
