i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
