is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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