I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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