I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
