he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
