It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
