I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
