so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
