i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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