and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
