I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
