Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
