Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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