too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize