Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
two words...techno handjob
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
