Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
