my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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