You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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