was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
