This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
