You smell like a Billy Joel song
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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