stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
