I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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