I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
