What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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