I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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