I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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