Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
