How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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