Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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