I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
