you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize