Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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