I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
