Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize