The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
