I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
false alarm, still single
Randomize
