big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
