I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
