Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
