I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
