Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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