I heard we made out
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
