Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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