Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
