yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
