gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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