when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize