Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
