I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
