Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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