she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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