the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
