Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
