Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
